A Hard Start to the New Year

Grace, the day we adopted her from the shelter, age 4 months

On January 1st, the unthinkable happened.  We had to put our 6 month old kitten Grace to sleep.

Yes, you heard me right.

The day started out well.  It was my husband's birthday so we planned to go out to breakfast and see a movie with our daughters.  When we returned home, I saw Grace sitting in the kitchen.  As we walked around her, she didn't move and I thought that was odd.  I got down on my knees and spoke to her.  Usually if I talked to her she would give me some meows and move toward me to be petted. She didn't move.  Then I noticed her breathing hard.  I could see her tummy move in and out with lot's effort.

Then I started to panic.

Something in me knew this was really bad.  Since it was a holiday, her vet was closed so I called the local ER vet.  They said to bring her in right away.  When we arrived, they took her to the back to be examined and my eight year old daughter and I waited for the vet.  When the vet came to us, her face demonstrated she had bad news.  She said that Grace had FIP or Feline Infetious Peritonis. Most strains of the virus do not cause disease, but 5-10% of the cats with the virus develop a severe inflammatory response.  Once this happens it is almost always fatal.  Our poor kitten had this severe reaction and had fluid in her lungs so she was struggling to breathe.

So I knew what we needed to do.

We adopted Grace two months ago at a local shelter and both my older daughter and I already loved her very much.  Now we had to say goodbye.  Needless to say we cried and cried, couldn't believe that we had to leave Grace there and she would never come home with us.  We said our goodbyes and when we left the hospital I started crying again.

Last picture I took of Grace

I never ever thought my kitten would die.  I planned to be her human mommy till she was an old cat. But that wasn't to be and I felt cheated.

I was pissed.

I wanted her back.

And I was pissed at Spirit and at myself.  You see, I believe we come to this planet knowing what we want to experience.  So, in essence, even though I don't remember it now, I agreed to it.  And I couldn't understand why I would even agree to something so horrible.  I felt like this was a punishment, for what I do not know.

The following day I walked around like I was going to burst into tears at any moment.  By evening, I decided to to take a walk outside.  During my walk I saw two cats.  I was amazed since I never see cats on my walk, usually a few dogs are being walked by their owners or I see some birds or a stray squirrel.  I took it as a sign that Grace was telling me she was all right. However, my anger and depression took its toll and morphed into a massive migraine by that evening.

After two hours, my migraine started to ease.  As I lay in bed in the dark, I saw Grace.  I asked myself, is this a memory or really Grace's spirit?  Not caring, I asked to speak to Grace.  And she came forward.  She spoke in a grown up female voice, which surprised me.  I always viewed her as a baby.  She told me, "I know that you wanted me to grow old with you but I couldn't.  I was too sick and could no longer stay."  I knew this to be true.  I just needed to accept it.

A few days later, I learned more about why I chose to experience the loss of Grace.  Currently I am studying shamanism.  During my last class, my classmates, teacher and I practiced doing shamanic journeys with each other.  A shamanic journey is a meditative visit to one of the three spirit worlds: lower, middle, upper.  This is always done with an intention, such as for healing or advice.  I was lucky to have my teacher do a shamanic journey for me.  She described an upper dimension world full of glass houses.  She said in this place, all beings were made of light and energy (they look like columns of light to me, see #3 from this blog post for a description of what I saw).  They have no physical bodies.

This is where I am from.  This is my real home.

In this world, you can't hide anything.  Communication is done by telepathy.  And there is no such thing as touch.  So this is one of the reasons why I like to come to earth, to experience touch.   This makes sense to me because I am a very touchy-feely person.  I love to hug and when I practice Reiki, I prefer hands on Reiki versus distance healing.

There is no loss in this upper-dimension world, we know and understand that life is forever.  So this is one of the things I choose to experience here, loss, and loss of my sweet little kitten.

With every event that happens to me, whether positive or negative, it's always a learning experience. Although I miss my kitten tremendously, I understand that she was no longer able to be in the physical world.  She's in a place where she belongs, at home, across the rainbow bridge.

Helping Humans and Spirits

When I first discovered that I had the gift of mediumship six months ago, I pictured myself helping others with this gift.  Perhaps I would connect a person with a loved one who passed and finally offer them a sense of peace.  But I have to come to realize that there is an unexpected bonus to mediumship, not only do I help people who are in the physical, but I can help spirits.  I am going to share a story with you where I did just that.

As a Reiki practitioner, I connect to spirit while at the same time channel the Universal Life Force of Reiki to help heal my clients.  After several attempts to reserve an appointment, I finally booked a Reiki session with a young mother of two.  Before I started the Reiki session, I always sit down with my clients and get a feel for where they are emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I also make sure they know that I can receive messages from Spirit during Reiki and that they are comfortable with that. My client was comfortable with this so we proceeded.

Almost immediately I sensed a male presence, who was her brother who passed away as a result of an overdose.  She told me that she had been sensing him for years since his death.  She would see shadows or literally he would throw items across a room to get her attention.  Her only hope was to speak to him again and now she had the opportunity.

He told me that his death was accidental.  He felt some remorse over this.  I kept getting the word twins although they were close in age, they were not twins.  After one hour of communication with him, I closed the session.  My client had been crying the entire session.  She told me she felt better and felt that she had closure.

That evening as I lay in my bed trying to fall asleep I felt distracted by a presence in my room.  This is not new as higher spiritual beings often try to communicate with me when I am falling asleep (sometimes they even wake me up in the middle of the night).  Well I was tired and in no mood to communicate so I said whoever it is, go away.  But my request didn't work.  So then I asked Archangel Michael to take away any spirits or beings because I wanted to sleep.  Then it worked!

The next day, I went for a walk around my neighborhood and I could not stop thinking about my client's brother.  I knew something was up, because it's not like me to think of someone who I never knew and really, has no meaning in my life.  I knew that he was with me and I was not sure how to get rid of him.

Ok, now I am trying not to freak out.

Because I am new to this I consulted my mentor and a fellow intuitive friend for advice.  My mentor said to tell him to go away until I am ready to talk to him during another Reiki session with his sister. My friend told me that I should talk to him, because once he delivers his message he will go away.

All right.  Fine!

So I sat in meditation and it was like he was literally hovering over me.  I asked him what he wanted. I felt an overwhelming sadness.  He started telling me how sad he was, how much he missed being physical on earth and how much he missed being with his sister.  I tried to console him by telling him he was in spirit world now and that the separation he was feeling was an illusion.  He can actually be with his sister whenever he wants to.   But this approach didn't work.

I was racking my brain on why he was having such a hard time.  Then I thought twins!  I asked him if his sister was his twin soul.  He said yes.  No wonder!  Twin souls or twin flames have a special connection.  They are considered each other's half: the feminine aspect and the male aspect of a soul. When they are incarnate together, which is rare, they often act like twins, reading each other's minds etc.

Now it made sense why he was having such a hard time letting her go.  I instinctively felt he needed more healing so I told him this and asked him if he wanted me to help him.  As tears ran down his face, he said yes.  I immediately asked Archangel Raphael, the Archangel of healing to come and help him.  I saw Raphael arrive, put his arm around him and swoop him up into the sky.  I knew that Raphael was taking him to a special healing place in the spirit world, a sort of hospital for those souls who were not adapting well in the spirit realm.  And I sensed he was gone.

I immediately contacted his sister to tell her what happened.  She seemed concerned that she would no longer be able to sense him or even ask him for protection, as she often did.  I told her it would be temporary and when he returned, she would know.  She said for the first time since his death, she felt peace and felt like a heaviness of sadness had been lifted off her.  I knew that this sadness came from her brother and it was gone now that he was receiving the help he needed.

If I could only convey to you how amazing I felt after this experience.  When I help a soul, whether they are incarnate or not, it makes my soul sing!  It confirms to me that I am doing the right thing and finally living my life purpose.