A Hard Start to the New Year

Grace, the day we adopted her from the shelter, age 4 months

On January 1st, the unthinkable happened.  We had to put our 6 month old kitten Grace to sleep.

Yes, you heard me right.

The day started out well.  It was my husband's birthday so we planned to go out to breakfast and see a movie with our daughters.  When we returned home, I saw Grace sitting in the kitchen.  As we walked around her, she didn't move and I thought that was odd.  I got down on my knees and spoke to her.  Usually if I talked to her she would give me some meows and move toward me to be petted. She didn't move.  Then I noticed her breathing hard.  I could see her tummy move in and out with lot's effort.

Then I started to panic.

Something in me knew this was really bad.  Since it was a holiday, her vet was closed so I called the local ER vet.  They said to bring her in right away.  When we arrived, they took her to the back to be examined and my eight year old daughter and I waited for the vet.  When the vet came to us, her face demonstrated she had bad news.  She said that Grace had FIP or Feline Infetious Peritonis. Most strains of the virus do not cause disease, but 5-10% of the cats with the virus develop a severe inflammatory response.  Once this happens it is almost always fatal.  Our poor kitten had this severe reaction and had fluid in her lungs so she was struggling to breathe.

So I knew what we needed to do.

We adopted Grace two months ago at a local shelter and both my older daughter and I already loved her very much.  Now we had to say goodbye.  Needless to say we cried and cried, couldn't believe that we had to leave Grace there and she would never come home with us.  We said our goodbyes and when we left the hospital I started crying again.

Last picture I took of Grace

I never ever thought my kitten would die.  I planned to be her human mommy till she was an old cat. But that wasn't to be and I felt cheated.

I was pissed.

I wanted her back.

And I was pissed at Spirit and at myself.  You see, I believe we come to this planet knowing what we want to experience.  So, in essence, even though I don't remember it now, I agreed to it.  And I couldn't understand why I would even agree to something so horrible.  I felt like this was a punishment, for what I do not know.

The following day I walked around like I was going to burst into tears at any moment.  By evening, I decided to to take a walk outside.  During my walk I saw two cats.  I was amazed since I never see cats on my walk, usually a few dogs are being walked by their owners or I see some birds or a stray squirrel.  I took it as a sign that Grace was telling me she was all right. However, my anger and depression took its toll and morphed into a massive migraine by that evening.

After two hours, my migraine started to ease.  As I lay in bed in the dark, I saw Grace.  I asked myself, is this a memory or really Grace's spirit?  Not caring, I asked to speak to Grace.  And she came forward.  She spoke in a grown up female voice, which surprised me.  I always viewed her as a baby.  She told me, "I know that you wanted me to grow old with you but I couldn't.  I was too sick and could no longer stay."  I knew this to be true.  I just needed to accept it.

A few days later, I learned more about why I chose to experience the loss of Grace.  Currently I am studying shamanism.  During my last class, my classmates, teacher and I practiced doing shamanic journeys with each other.  A shamanic journey is a meditative visit to one of the three spirit worlds: lower, middle, upper.  This is always done with an intention, such as for healing or advice.  I was lucky to have my teacher do a shamanic journey for me.  She described an upper dimension world full of glass houses.  She said in this place, all beings were made of light and energy (they look like columns of light to me, see #3 from this blog post for a description of what I saw).  They have no physical bodies.

This is where I am from.  This is my real home.

In this world, you can't hide anything.  Communication is done by telepathy.  And there is no such thing as touch.  So this is one of the reasons why I like to come to earth, to experience touch.   This makes sense to me because I am a very touchy-feely person.  I love to hug and when I practice Reiki, I prefer hands on Reiki versus distance healing.

There is no loss in this upper-dimension world, we know and understand that life is forever.  So this is one of the things I choose to experience here, loss, and loss of my sweet little kitten.

With every event that happens to me, whether positive or negative, it's always a learning experience. Although I miss my kitten tremendously, I understand that she was no longer able to be in the physical world.  She's in a place where she belongs, at home, across the rainbow bridge.

Staying Centered During the Emotional Storm

My ability to remain calm while in an emotionally charged situation was tested a few weeks ago.  My family drove up to New York for a family funeral. We only stayed one night over at my sister's house. Since my sister and I don't see each other very much, we stayed up till 1:30 am talking.  As usual, my sister offered us her bedroom for the night.  Although I am not 100% comfortable with this and I suggest we can sleep in the guest bedroom, my sister always insists.

After calling it a night, I realize I forgot my cell phone charger in the living room.  I creep quietly down the stairs knowing my brother in law is sleeping in the living room.  In the pitch dark, I hear my brother in law's booming voice in the dark, "I hope you realize I spent all day cleaning the house for you."

My immediate response was "OK, thanks."  Then the tirade started.  And here's the miracle.  I remained calm.  I didn't get upset.  I didn't take it personally. Heck, I couldn't blame him.  I don't want to give my bed up to anyone.  For once I didn't take criticism personally.  And I didn't cry! Wow I have come a along way! Even my husband was impressed.

My sister came downstairs and calmed him down.  As I was getting ready to go to bed, I bump into my brother in law in the hallway.  I braced myself.  He actually apologized and hugged me.  I told him I was more than happy to sleep in the guest bedroom.  He said he WANTED us to sleep in his room and that he didn't mean what he said.

So did he say those things because I didn't react negatively to him when he yelled at me downstairs? Perhaps.  I do believe that negativity begets more negativity.

But I do feel thankful to him because he did me a favor by testing me and I passed!  And I demonstrated to myself and others around me that even though I am sensitive, I can remain calm and centered in an emotional situation.  Not to mention I still giggle about it every time I think of it.

How Patrick Swayze Helped Me Become a Medium

Yes it's true, sounds crazy right?  Well let me explain...

Early this year I was taking a Tarot Class and we ended up discussing dreams.  My teacher said most dreams are symbolic.  Well I had a dream about Patrick Swayze and couldn't figure out what it symbolized.  So she asked me to tell her the dream.  This is what happened.

I was walking alongside Patrick Swayze in Los Angeles.  We kept stopping in different places and Patrick look so unhappy everywhere we went.  I finally turned to him and said, "The reason why you are unhappy is because this place does not match your values."  That was it.

My teacher paused for a moment before answering and she said that she believed that I actually connected with the soul of Patrick Swayze.  Then she asked me if I dreamed of people who have passed.  Why yes, I do all the time (I thought everyone did, I realized I was wrong about this).  She then told me she thinks I have medium abilities and asked if I wanted to learn from her to strengthen them.  I said yes, why not?

I have to admit, I wasn't really crazy about pursuing this.  There is some creepy factor about talking to the dead.  I mean, what if they hassle me?  What if they woke me up in the night?  What if, GOD FORBID, I woke up and they were standing at the end of the bed?

Well despite my misgivings, I decided I should at least try it.  And I surprised myself.  No I shocked myself.  We practiced just opening up to whomever would talk to me.  That worked!  Not only could I see them but I could hear them too.  In another session, I did a reading for my teacher.  Her grandmother, aunt, spirit guide and mother all came through with accurate details.  In fact, my teacher told me the reading was so good she felt like she should pay me!  The sessions helped me trust myself and go with my first answer (call it intuition or gut feeling).  The other important lesson is, the "knowing", the thoughts and the images that I have always received my whole life meant something.  I realized that I had been dismissing them my whole life as "random" and they really meant something.

Since my sessions with my teacher, I have worked on other courses to strengthen my abilities, both on line and in person. When I conduct a Reiki session I use my mediumship during the session too. It's not uncommon for a past loved one to come through for my clients.

So thanks to Patrick Swayze, I am on the path that I am on right now.  Thank you Patrick.

Finally Finding My Life Purpose

Yes I know it's been a while since I posted.  Things have been weird lately.  I mean, I still see many angel signs (feathers and numbers and even angel wings in the bathroom mirror) but feel like Spirit has been quiet...like they are "busy."  I have a good friend who is an Angel Intuitive as well (you can check out her website here) and she's been feeling the same thing.  She's even gone as far to say she's losing her psychic abilities which I know is not true.

But I wanted to spend time talking about finding your life purpose.   I have been searching for this my entire life.  I always did well in school (despite not excelling at aptitude tests like the SAT or GRE) and I have always wanted to help people, especially people in dire need of help, such as the poor, the hungry or those suffering from war.  By the time I was a college student at New York University (NYU), I narrowed my major down to Urban Studies.  Being a native New Yorker and in love with the city at the time, I felt it was my duty to help.  I looked at government as being the answer or way I would do this.

After two years at NYU, I transferred to SUNY Binghamton basically because of tuition costs.  At the time NYU cost $22,000 a year (seems low compared to my nephew's current tuition of $56,000 a year), so I felt it would be better to transfer there.  The catch was there was no Urban Studies major available, so I picked the closest thing: Political Science.

When I graduated in 1995 I had no idea what kind of job I could get.  A friend suggested I go to grad school so I dodged that bullet and got my Masters in Public Administration.  After graduating I moved back to NYC and got a job in development.  I soon realized I didn't like development and started applying for other jobs.  Actually let's be honest, I got fired from that job and I didn't really care.  I applied for federal jobs because it paid more.  I got offered a job in the city and in Washington DC and I decided to go to DC.

To make a long story short, I kept trying to make a difference but it wasn't working.  And I kept running into crazy office politics, or I got promised to move to a department I wanted to be in and it never happened or, saving the best for last, at my last job I got appendicitis and almost died.

Okay I get the picture now.

All the money and time invested in that career didn't seem to matter.  I know now that this was not a path I was supposed to continue.  So in frustration, I begged my husband to let me leave that job. I did and I focused on something else, having a family.

After my oldest daughter was born, I became a Stay At Home Mom.  And I was happy.  At least I didn't have to deal any difficult people at work.  But I still had that nagging feeling, How was I going to "help"?

Last fall, after seven years of being a stay at home mom, I hit a wall.  I was burnt out.  I hated cooking. I hated doing the laundry.  For years I told myself that I was supporting the family but I needed to do something for myself.  Something other than being a mom or a wife.  So I did two things: became a certified Zumba instructor and got a job teaching art.  I loved teaching art and I still do it.

In the meantime, a friend and I reconnected and we both realized we were on the same spiritual path. She was getting trained in Reiki but I had no interest in it--she is now a Reiki master.  But something changed in me by last spring.  I wanted to try it and I loved it.

I finally found how to help others.  When I conduct a Reiki session, I help my clients release emotions, discover their past lives, reunite with passed loved ones and even learn who their guardian angels are.  When my clients leave they literally look like a different people: relaxed and at peace. That peaceful look on their face is absolutely priceless.

So I finally figured it out after 41 years!  I thought I never would.

I know that my life purpose does not end with Reiki.  I have had two readings with similar messages. The first was "I've just begun" and the second was "this is just a dress rehearsal."  Yes that's right, everything UP TO THIS POINT WAS PRACTICE!  This is what I have done so far since April 2013 (my moment of awakening):

• communicate, see, touch and be touched by Archangels, angels, Ascended Masters, spirit guides and animal guides
• see and talk with fairies
• conduct accurate Tarot and Oracle readings for myself and others
• enter the Akashic library and retrieve the soul book for myself and others
• discovered over 50 specific past lives I have lived on earth
• trained in Reiki 1 and 2
• communicate with passed loved ones and help them heal (both humans and spirits)
• learn and use crystals for healing
• communicate with crystals and even released a trapped spirit

And this is just the dress rehearsal.  Wow!  Something big is going to happen and it's delicious to wait and see what's to come.  

Are you ready to go on the ride with me?

Helping Humans and Spirits

When I first discovered that I had the gift of mediumship six months ago, I pictured myself helping others with this gift.  Perhaps I would connect a person with a loved one who passed and finally offer them a sense of peace.  But I have to come to realize that there is an unexpected bonus to mediumship, not only do I help people who are in the physical, but I can help spirits.  I am going to share a story with you where I did just that.

As a Reiki practitioner, I connect to spirit while at the same time channel the Universal Life Force of Reiki to help heal my clients.  After several attempts to reserve an appointment, I finally booked a Reiki session with a young mother of two.  Before I started the Reiki session, I always sit down with my clients and get a feel for where they are emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I also make sure they know that I can receive messages from Spirit during Reiki and that they are comfortable with that. My client was comfortable with this so we proceeded.

Almost immediately I sensed a male presence, who was her brother who passed away as a result of an overdose.  She told me that she had been sensing him for years since his death.  She would see shadows or literally he would throw items across a room to get her attention.  Her only hope was to speak to him again and now she had the opportunity.

He told me that his death was accidental.  He felt some remorse over this.  I kept getting the word twins although they were close in age, they were not twins.  After one hour of communication with him, I closed the session.  My client had been crying the entire session.  She told me she felt better and felt that she had closure.

That evening as I lay in my bed trying to fall asleep I felt distracted by a presence in my room.  This is not new as higher spiritual beings often try to communicate with me when I am falling asleep (sometimes they even wake me up in the middle of the night).  Well I was tired and in no mood to communicate so I said whoever it is, go away.  But my request didn't work.  So then I asked Archangel Michael to take away any spirits or beings because I wanted to sleep.  Then it worked!

The next day, I went for a walk around my neighborhood and I could not stop thinking about my client's brother.  I knew something was up, because it's not like me to think of someone who I never knew and really, has no meaning in my life.  I knew that he was with me and I was not sure how to get rid of him.

Ok, now I am trying not to freak out.

Because I am new to this I consulted my mentor and a fellow intuitive friend for advice.  My mentor said to tell him to go away until I am ready to talk to him during another Reiki session with his sister. My friend told me that I should talk to him, because once he delivers his message he will go away.

All right.  Fine!

So I sat in meditation and it was like he was literally hovering over me.  I asked him what he wanted. I felt an overwhelming sadness.  He started telling me how sad he was, how much he missed being physical on earth and how much he missed being with his sister.  I tried to console him by telling him he was in spirit world now and that the separation he was feeling was an illusion.  He can actually be with his sister whenever he wants to.   But this approach didn't work.

I was racking my brain on why he was having such a hard time.  Then I thought twins!  I asked him if his sister was his twin soul.  He said yes.  No wonder!  Twin souls or twin flames have a special connection.  They are considered each other's half: the feminine aspect and the male aspect of a soul. When they are incarnate together, which is rare, they often act like twins, reading each other's minds etc.

Now it made sense why he was having such a hard time letting her go.  I instinctively felt he needed more healing so I told him this and asked him if he wanted me to help him.  As tears ran down his face, he said yes.  I immediately asked Archangel Raphael, the Archangel of healing to come and help him.  I saw Raphael arrive, put his arm around him and swoop him up into the sky.  I knew that Raphael was taking him to a special healing place in the spirit world, a sort of hospital for those souls who were not adapting well in the spirit realm.  And I sensed he was gone.

I immediately contacted his sister to tell her what happened.  She seemed concerned that she would no longer be able to sense him or even ask him for protection, as she often did.  I told her it would be temporary and when he returned, she would know.  She said for the first time since his death, she felt peace and felt like a heaviness of sadness had been lifted off her.  I knew that this sadness came from her brother and it was gone now that he was receiving the help he needed.

If I could only convey to you how amazing I felt after this experience.  When I help a soul, whether they are incarnate or not, it makes my soul sing!  It confirms to me that I am doing the right thing and finally living my life purpose.

A New Spirit Guide

A year ago I had no clue who my spirit guides were.  Spirit Guides are souls who assist us in our lives on Earth.  They can be a friend or a relative that you never knew.  Through meditation, readings from other talented intuitives and help from my intuitive friends, I know several of my guides today. Recently I met a new spirit guide, and I am sharing the story with you because it's a fascinating story of synchronicity.  In a previous post, I wrote about the clues that Spirit leaves you and how it's a puzzle that you must put together.  Learning about my new spirit guide came to me in just this way, pieces of a puzzle that I finally put together.

One evening. I was following a guided meditation and I was supposed to see a significant symbol for me.  I saw an ornate bow and arrow.  It looked like it was custom made and it was given to me (probably in a past life) as a gift from a king or queen.  I didn't know what it meant at the time but I filed away this information in my mind.

One morning last week, I left my toddler in the kitchen with her breakfast and went up stairs to change. She immediately followed me up the stairs and said she was scared.  I asked her of what.  She said, I am scared of the basement.  I asked, is there someone in the basement?  She said, yes.  A big boy  or little boy?  Big boy. she answered.  I thought uh oh, not another spirit!  But I didn't have time to deal with it at that moment so I said a quick prayer to Archangel Michael to remove any spirits that were not there for our highest good.

Later that I day I was doing Reiki on a friend.  I always connect to Spirit when I do Reiki and I was focusing on her when she says to me, "I have to tell you something.  Someone is here and he keeps saying, tell her I'm here.  Tell her I'm here."  My mind immediately went to the "big boy" in the basement.  She didn't have any other information so I tried to tune in to who this was.  It was a male, older maybe in his 50s and he was wearing a crown.  The name that I got was Richard.  I tried to communicate with him but the veil was thick so I asked Archangel Gabriel to help me figure out who he was.  Gabriel told me it was King Richard and he was here to give me a message.  The message was about the bow and arrow!

King Richard told me that I will be "hitting my target more and more and with better accuracy."  He didn't say with regard to what, but my intuition says this has to do with my psychic gifts.

A few days later I looked up King Richard on the web.  I knew there must be several in Britain.  I looked at pictures and saw one that resembled the spirit I saw.

Richard the Lion Heart

Then I read this, "killed by a crossbow."  Apparently a boy shot the King out of revenge for his parents' death. King Richard actually pardoned the boy and let him go and he died of gangrene as a result of the bow shot.

Oh. My. God.  I sat there and gasped.  Then I thought, I hope I wasn't that boy in a past life!

I still haven't figured out the details about the meaning of the bow and arrow but leave it to Spirit to come up with such an amazing synchronicity!

10 Things You Didn't Know About the Angels

As you know from reading my blog, if I communicate with any higher beings the most, it's with the angels, especially the Archangels.  These are some of the things I have seen that you may not be aware of.

1. The very first time I saw an Archangel's wings I was blown away.  They are huge!  The puny wings that artists draw or paint on angels don't even come close!  I googled Archangel images and I have yet to see an accurate rendition of how huge their wings are.

   

   Eliminate the bottom two wings and keep the top large ones and now we are getting close to Archangel wings.  

2. Angels' wings come in many colors.  Archangel Metraton's wings appeared black to me (note that they may appear different colors to others, but this is the color I see).  A healing angel, part of Archangel Raphael's group, can have green wings.  Green is the color of healing.  
3. Archangel Michael likes to be present during Reiki.  Sometimes he just hangs out.  I once was performing Reiki in a guest bedroom and he was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs crossed.  I teased him, "Don't you have anything better to do?"  He replied, "Are you kidding?  I live for this!"
4. Archangel Gabriel likes to dance.  I have seen him dance and of course I have danced with him!
   
5. Archangel Michael likes to knit!  Yes I know that sounds strange but one night I asked him for extra protection.  I saw him sitting on my front porch knitting!  I asked him, what are you doing (I seem to ask him this question a lot).  He said with loving indignation, "What? I like to knit!"
   
6. Guardian angels get very excited when they are able to communicate with humans they take care of.  I have seen and heard them laugh and clap their hands with glee, and even jump up and down. 
   
7. Fairies are a type of earth angel.  I saw a tiny pink fairy sprinkle sparkly dust on her human.  And that person felt it too! 
   
8. Angels can appear as lights.  If you see lights at the peripheral of your vision, try to note the color.  The color indicates which Archangel it is.  Michael's lights are blue, Gabriel's lights are white and Uriel's lights are orange.  
9. I once read that Archangel Michael is the inspiration for superheros.  I think this is true.  I see him with long blond hair and lots of muscles (now imagine him knitting)!
   
10. Archangel Raphael, who is in charge of healing, will come and Reiki with me.  I have seen him holding his hands in a Reiki position.  Several of my clients have felt his Reiki as pressure or a tingly sensation.